if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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