I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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