Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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