I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My brain says no but my pants say off.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
