hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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