I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
