if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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