I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
