i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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