I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
