i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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