sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
