I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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