the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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