I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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