By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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