Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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