The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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