i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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