went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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