In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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