I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
