I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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