end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
