Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
