I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
