There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
