the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
