FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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