i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
