i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
