i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
