one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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