My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
