If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
