you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
