worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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