I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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