He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Mom said you looked used
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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