no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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