Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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