A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
