I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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