she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
