a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
