So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
