I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
