Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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