My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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