Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
