i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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