just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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