I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
