if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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