i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
