I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
